It’s pretty safe to say that I’ve attended a UFC event here and there, so because I am kind and noble, I will share some tips and tricks to getting the most out of your own UFC experience.

For example, here are some answers to common questions that will save everyone a lot of time:

Yes, fighting in the UFC was cool.
Yes, Dana White is cool.
Yes, the next UFC event will also be very cool.
Yes, working on UFC Tonight is cool.

If you’re asking a fighter who they’re fighting next, the answer is most likely already confirmed and on the Internet. And for the record, they’re hoping for a war and they urging you NOT to blink.

Most importantly, here are some foolproof tips to use when meeting your favorite UFC stars:

If you see one of the UFC’s Octagon girls, be original with your pick-up lines. For example: “You have beautiful eyes, can I touch them?”

If you want immediate respect walking around on Fight Night, please bring your most violent t-shirt. Nothing says I love MMA like a “bleeding Lion” or a “sword carrying pit-bull”.

To corner your favorite fighter, work in groups.

Semicircle traps work best to corner fighters. Don’t give them an out. Back them up against a wall and form a semicircle that will keep them there for hours. Then, link arms in an “Amish Sweep” formation and leave no gap for escape.

Have spotters and lookout crews to alert the masses. “Hey everyone! That’s Khabib Nurmagomedov!”

Know your Silvas. Anderson Silva, Wanderlei Silva, Thiago Silva, Antonio Silva, and Erick Silva. (Matchmaker Joe Silva not included for legal purposes)

Always tell fighters you’re their biggest fan, then ask them who they’re fighting next or what they’ve been up to lately. Recently, I had one of my “biggest fans” ask me when I’m fighting next. I then was forced to let them down slowly about how I retired almost two years ago.

Find two UFC fighters that are fighting each other soon and wait until they are close to each other. Make sure you tell them that you hope they kick the other guy’s ass right in front of them. Sincerity is crucial.

Don’t be afraid to ask fighters to sign a dirty pair of underwear. They will sign anything.

For you guys out there, there is no masculine way to get your t-shirt signed if you are wearing it.

Prove to fighters that you know what you’re talking about, but aren’t nerdy about it and be like, “Why did the UFC cut Rousimar “Toquinho” Palhares yo? That’s wack!”

Always give a fighter some fight tips when you see them. “You need to throw more kicks”, “You need to keep your hands up bro”, or ahem,“work on your wrestling”. Most fighters don’t have time to think about this stuff so the comments are usually a big help.
Bring four brand-new sharpies. Two silver and two black. Fountain pens, pencils, and fluorescent highlighters are frowned upon.

Have your cameras/camera phones ready to fire at all times. Bring a fancy fanny pack to carry chargers, extra batteries and memory for your cameras. Fanny packs = respect in the MMA community.

If you see me, make sure you refer to me as Mr. Florian. Do NOT look me in the eye. (Looking me in the eye is considered a direct challenge.) When you call me over, give me a compliment like, “You look handsome today Mr. Florian” and then when I ignore you, thank me anyway out of respect.

It was my most sincere attempt to assist you with meeting your favorite UFC Fighter. You’re welcome!